On: Being Single

6 February 2019

There's a lot to be said for making yourself happy, enjoying your own company and being content. I mean, being in a relationship is great, and I'm not sure we all need to read a list of reasons why, but, sometimes, they're not so great.  I know it's really cliché and kind of obvious to an outsider, but being lonely in a relationship is far worse than being alone.

I'm currently single, and really happy.

On being single in a world surrounded by couples and social media

So, to commemorate Valentine's Day I just thought we'd have a long old ramble about love, relationships and being single... (I also thought I'd post this before the big day in case it was just what some of you needed to read before being inundated with the engagements, social media posts and the bombardment of roses in the supermarkets).

It's a long-standing joke that I’m always the third wheel. I live in a student house with four others. Four others who all have boyfriends or girlfriends. In my friendship groups, the majority of them are in relationships. My sister has a boyfriend. Pretty much everyone in my immediate circles have partners.

Now, I haven’t always been single. I had a two-and-a-half-year relationship that ended midway through my first year at university. We got on really well at the time, and when he wasn’t being an absolute tool, we had a fab few years together. But, people grow apart, things change, and these things don’t always last forever. We’re actually fairly good friends now and whenever I am home for the holidays we tend to meet up and catch up on everything we’ve been up to. It’s nice. Spoiler: it hasn’t always been that way. After a pretty savage breakup (savage towards me, not him) we had nothing to do with each other AT ALL for well over 6 months. No talking, texting, going back, meeting up, nothing. And, at that time, I think it was both exactly what we needed.

So, if you’re reading this and considering salvaging some sort of friendship with an ex, my one piece of advice is give it time. Take the amount of time you think you need, then add a few more weeks/months, you can’t be too sure. You need to go through the hurt, the anger, the frustration, get it all out of your system before you even consider attempting to be friends. I mean, it’s not like it was, it’s never going to be, but it’s nice to be amicable. He’s a nice boy and neither of us did anything wrong. Things just fizzled out and as we grew up it became very apparent that we have very different goals, ambitions and outlooks on life.

On being single in a world surrounded by couples and social media

“Becca, have you found a boyfriend yet?” is a question I hear alllll the time. Pals, do you not think you’d be the first to know if I came across a hunky, funny, charming and intelligent single boy… And as the previous sentence alluded to, it’s fair to say I’m rather picky. Not picky in the sense that I’m specifically looking for someone who has won gold medals, looks like David Beckham and can speak 17 languages, but I know what I deserve. I deserve someone fab.

Hell, I know a fair few boys that if I asked them to consider a relationship with me, they’d jump at the chance. That’s not me being big headed nor blowing my own trumpet, it’s a fact. Look at me, absolute 10/10, I joke I joke… But, you get my point. To quote another Tumblr quote ‘you only accept the love you deserve’ and this gal isn’t accepting anything less than platinum.

Without disclosing too much, I’ve heard a lot of the crappy things my friends have to put up with, and quite frankly, it’s just a no from me. I see how upset these boys/girls can make them, and again, it’s a no from me. Being hurled verbal abuse? It’s a no from me. Being cheated on? Again, another no from me. Are you starting to sense a theme here?... Essentially, what I’m trying to say here is that relationships are not the be all and end all.

On being single in a world surrounded by couples and social media

If it wasn’t for social media, we wouldn’t know that Beth from school is currently on a surprise trip to Paris with her beau or that Adam is cooking his girlfriend a three-course meal to celebrate a year together. I think social media plays a huge part in this current obsession with not being single and finding the one.

Romantic gestures have been going on for years but social media has just amplified their visibility and I’d also argue it’s increased the need for these huge gestures. People are constantly trying to out-do each other and send out this ‘I’ve got the best relationship ever’ message. I mean, maybe you do, but I’m not sure 250 red roses in the shape of your face is the best way to exemplify that, soz. Tell us about the other things your partner does, the ones that mean a lot and cost nothing.

Being single is not the end of the world, and trust me, it has its perks.

After writing all of this, however, if anyone knows any tall, witty, attractive boys, send them my way… No dickheads though pls.

Also, if you’ve made it all the way to this point of my ramblings, well done. I appreciate this post is pretty much word vomit but it’s something I wanted to talk about and yanno, with V-Day coming up it seemed like the perfect time to do such.


What are your thoughts on all of this?

16 comments

  1. I tried to be friends with my ex and it just wasn't for us. It helped us so much more to painfully cut all ties!

    Danielle xx
    https://www.fashionbeautyblog.co.uk/

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  2. This post is literally me down to a T and I too am so happy being single! Dating in our generation is just one messed up world that I don't want to be in and although i'm down to have a good time I know it is 99% of the time too good to be true! So glad i'm not the only one who feels this way! xx

    www.styleandsplurging.net

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  3. I love this.

    I can't relate because I am partnered up but J and I usually keep everything off social media as we aren't trying to digitally mark our territory.

    We believe people who show off on SM are insecure about their relationship and are generally pissing up facebook profile's lamposts.

    People who show off on social media we take bets on how long it will last. We're terribly cynical!

    Anyways, love your blog.

    Im over at
    Kewteepye.blogspot.com

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  4. 100% agree with everything you've said here. I've spent the majority of my time single, despite now being a single Mom as a result of my last failed relationship. Hey, just goes to show having a baby doesn't equate to the 'perfect relationship'.

    Honestly, I prefer being single. Unfortunately I tend to end up with guys who're toxic.. I can't be doing with that, with the games and everything else that comes with it. I want to bring my daughter up knowing she's worth the world and more, to not take crap from daft guys, respect herself and know what she wants from life and from every type of relationship with others. To do that, I've gotta get tough and be that role model. Always better single, than to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.

    I'm also willing to bet plenty of people buy their own little cute gifts and claim it's from their significant other. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest with the comparison obsession that social media so beautifully feeds into!

    Davis | www.everythingstartswithtea.co.uk

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  5. I would have to agree social media plays a huge role in making single people feel worse. I’ve seen people post about a romantic gesture they’ve done for their partner and the “green eyed monster” has come crawling out of me. But at same time I seen others post about how their partner has paid for a surprise romantic holiday when it’s common knowledge that the couple are competing for who can cheat the most (guy is currently winning). So relationships aren’t everything and I don’t want to rush into one just cause I feel lonely sometimes haha

    Great post!

    Jess xxx || http://littlepinkduckblog.blogspot.co.uk

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  6. I love this post. I believe that you're right in that we put too much importance on relationships because thanks to social media we constantly see what our partnered friends and family are doing and want that too. But relationships can bring so much drama, sometimes without even trying. I'm currently single and prefer it. That could change soon but after my last disastrous and traumatic relationship, no exaggeration, I'm kind of over it. As far as the friendships go, for awhile I was able to stay friends with exes. I have a few that I talk to fairly regularly. And it's just friendship now. But the last few relationships, there was no way I could stay friends with them. They became too toxic to even want that with and I hate losing friends. Sometimes too much. But you have to draw a line and my last few relationships were just bad. Bad in the end and bad people as it turned out.

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  7. I was on a toxic relationship for a year and believe me, I'm much better being single. It was hard to leave him but it was the right thing to do fo my (mental) health. So, this Valentine's I'm going to concede myself a selfcare day to celebrate past is in the past and I deserve much better than that.

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  8. Totally agree with this, I’m single as I’m happy to be that way and I’ve chosen to not continue relationships that I wasn’t happy being in! I honestly love life just being me and Ru, I love lots of me time and being independent! X

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  9. The main thing, whether you're single or in a relationship, is that you're happy - I honestly could not agree more with that! Happiness comes from within and not from someone else. Sure, your happiness can be elevated by the right person coming along and into your life, but you can also be equally as happy being in a relationship with yourself :) I really enjoyed reading this post Becca xo

    Char | www.charslittleblog.co.uk

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  10. Quarter-Life Queen8 February 2019 at 16:57

    Ugh, the "have you found a boyfriend" question is so annoying! But I completely love the approach you took to this post and just how honest and empowering was. Awesome post!

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  11. Such a great post, especially for those struggling with being single at this time of year. I definitely wouldn't be down for being cheated on, or verbal abuse either xx

    Gemma • Gemma Etc . ❤️

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  12. I loved this post Becca. I've been in relationships since I was 15 and only had a short period of time where I was single (which was pretty fun to be fair). I can see why people choose to stay single, some times relationships can be hard work but I think I'm just a relationship kinda gal...I dunno! But you're right, relationships certainly aren't the be all and end all and as long as you're happy with yourself, thats all that matters!

    Lucy | Forever September

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  13. I completely agree with this post and loved reading it.
    I'm in a long-term relationship with the loveliest guy, but previous to being with him I was with someone not so lovely and wish I'd accepted the love I deserved.
    I definitely think it's better to be single than to be with someone that makes you unhappy and treats you like crap x

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  14. Love this post Becca! I was nodding at every sentence because I CAN RELATE!

    What you mentioned about social media is SO true! If it wasn’t for brands and holidays always being aimed at couples, “baecation” “matching sets” “girlfriend goals” blah blah blah then would people make such a big deal out of being a 20 something Singleton? Definitely not

    “This gal isn’t accepting anything less than platinum” - I’m really not. I’ve been single for nearly 20 years and you’re going to have to be fucking amazing for me to give my love to you. Just like yourself, I’m more than happy being single. Admittedly, I do feel that I’m ready for a relationship, it’s just a matter of finding the person who I’m ready to have my first relationship with. I’m so used to be Miss independent.

    Fran | www.franciscarockey.co.uk

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  15. I really related to this! I have never had a boyfriend but have gotten close to it several times. I am not really ready to be in a relationship and have always chickened out last minute! It's so bad but I am happy being 100% single. I want to know how I am first I gues.

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  16. I loved this post! I definitely think people put too much importance on relationships. I've always been single and I'm not in any rush to get into a relationship. I think the most important thing is to love yourself first and foremost. xx

    amerzwithlove.com

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